Thoughts on parenting.

 

“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo…on your face. You better be committed.” – Eat Pray Love

Parenting is hard, y’all, and if anyone says differently… well I suggest you never play poker with them and I’m calling their bluff!

I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom. The best part of my life has to do with the fact that I’ve got three spawn who call me mom. They are the loves of my life. However, at times, they are my worst nemesis’s too. Parenting, the ultimate dueling extremes of emotions. One moment you’re filled with overwhelming emotion of love at these little creature who are so fragile and innocent. The next moment you’re in a puddle of tears, hiding in the bathroom because your two year old’s strong will means their tantrum can outlast your sanity.

Before you get too excited and think I’m going to enlighten you with answers, let me assure you that I am not. I don’t have any answers. I’ve read parenting books and sometimes the suggestions work and sometimes they don’t. There are many days where I’m feel like I am kickin’ arse as a parent and there are many-many days that I feel like I am not. I’m constantly wondering what my kidlings will be discussing with their therapist in 20 years and what fancy baggage am I supplying them with? So yeah, parenting is hard.

On the flip side of that spectrum… parenting is fucking entertaining as well. I look at my two youngest and marvel at the fact that 7 years ago neither of them existed. And now, I will be going about my day and overhear their extremely involved conversations about poopy jokes, whether a reef is only part of an ocean or the whole ocean, and them randomly shoot vocabulary out of their mouths that I didn’t even know they possessed. Example? Today Juni yells at me that “Dublin is obstructing me, mommy!!” I ask her if she means that Dublin is annoying her. She says no, “Dublin is obstructing me!!” I ask her if she just said he was obstructing her. She confirms that is what she said. She then says she can’t move her legs.  They were in a shopping cart and Dublin was indeedy obstructing her ability to stretch out her legs.

She’s four.

And now…. Some snapshots from my weekend:

Scene- Both kids stuffed in a shopping cart. We stopped at a Redbox, so both kids are holding the DVD’s they picked out for our evenings viewing pleasure.

Juni (DVD stuffed inside her shirt): Mommy!! I’m having a baby!! I’m having a baby DVD!!! It’s coming out!!

Me: Oh, wow. A baby DVD. Have you picked out a name?

Juni (Pulls DVD out of our shirt): It’s here! Oh baby, I love you baby DVD.

Dub (His DVD now in his shirt): I’m having a baby DVD too! It’s here! AHHHHHH!!!!!

Juni: DUBLIN, that is not what you say when you have a baby!

Juni: You say, “Oh, baby, I love you baby!”

Juni: And you can have a baby DVD, but boys can’t make babies in their tummy. Only mommy’s can.

Yes, my two children loudly birthed DVD’s in the middle of a Fred Myers grocery store.

 

Scene: In my bedroom, Juniper getting into things she shouldn’t be getting in to.

Juni: Mommy, what is this?

Me: What do you have?!

Juni: This.

Me: OH! Um… well, that’s your belly button that fell off when you were a baby.

Juni: OH! Gross.

(I explain to her in a very non-scientific way about the umbilical cord feeding her when she was in my tummy)

Juni: Why does it look that way?

Me: Um… because it fell off, got old, and now it’s shriveled up and looks that way.

Juni: Where’s Dublin’s?

Me: I don’t think I kept Dublin’s

Juni: Oh, you only kept mine? Not Dublin’s? It’s because mine was cuter, right mommy?