Ch-ch-ch-changes….

I’m sitting outside enjoying the view and realizing that I’d better soak this loveliness up because my time here in the apartment is limited. They’ve raised the rent $185 and when my lease is up (in January), I’m going to have to find us a new home.

But then again, between now and then… maybe things will change. Life moves so fast it’s constantly giving me whiplash!

Ahhh, change. It’s enough to give my heart little flutters of palpitations, just thinking the word. I’m not fond of change. I’m a woman of routine. I like to know that I’m going to wake up at 5:50am tomorrow. I’ll leave my house at 6:45 am. I’ll arrive at my job a few minutes earlier than my required 7:30am, and then I’ll sit at my desk for 8 hours. When my 8 hours are up, I’ll be the first one out of the door at 3:30pm.  I’ll drive for about 45 minutes and then pick up the kids from their dad’s house. Since tomorrow is a Friday, the kids and I will get a little wild and make things up as we go from about 4:30pm Friday until 8pm on Sunday. But once Sunday, 8pm hits… It’s back to routine.

When I left my relationship and moved out, with all the shifts in routine, it was causing my heart a LOT of palpitations. Within the first month of moving out, I’d gotten two speeding tickets (going 30 in a 20 school zone) and ran into my coworker’s car. My nerves were frazzled. I have this image in my head of my Spirits looking down on me and saying, “She’s leaving the house! She’s leaving the house! It’s new routine time! Get the popcorn!!!”

Five months into the change of routine and I’m getting the hang of getting the kids to school while driving through a school zone down. I can even arrive at work without bumping into coworker’s cars. Yeah, I’m doing well. #GoMe

I do think that the older I get, the more I’m really enjoying the lack of mental exertion that routine provides. I like the same ol’ recipes so that I don’t have to really read the directions. I mean, I might cliff note read the directions, but I don’t have to full on read them. I like to be able to count on things.

Recently though, this belief of mine was challenged. By not exerting myself, by not adapting…. Am I not screwing myself over? Case in point: This past weekend I went with a friend to spend the weekend at her uncle’s house. Her uncle just purchased a house which could be best described as a smart home. Everything in it was so up to date and so freakin’ techy! When I was sleeping, if I made too many big movements (as I did when I was kicking the covers into place) there was a nightlight on the ceiling that would turn on. Then, when I was settled in and not flailing about, the light would fade out. Yeah, it was that techy. ANYway, after a night of glorious overindulgence… cocktail, beer, fancy food, wine, wine, more wine…. I woke up and was looking forward to a shower. I stepped inside the shower to find that I didn’t know how to work the thing. Knowing that it was a smart home, I figured there was some sort of fanciness to it. I figured out how to adjust the temperature… but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out how to make the shower turn on. I fiddled with it, I stared at it…. But I refused to speak to it. In my brain I kept thinking, “Speak to it Sandy, speak to it!! Just say… Shower! Hello! Turn on! Turn on!” But I was afraid that someone would hear me… and if that wasn’t the way to do it, I would then have to implode from embarrassment. As it turned out, you didn’t have to speak to it… there was a hidden button of sorts that you just had to pull. No, I didn’t figure that out… I skipped the shower. However, my friend couldn’t figure it out either and instead of skipping a shower, she just asked one of the kids how to turn the shower on and they showed her.

Change. Constant. Everywhere. Evolving. GAH!!!

I don’t want to turn into an old dog. I just don’t. So, I’ve decided to avoid brain atrophy and start adopting change into my life. Not all crazy like. But not rely so heavily on routine. I’m not sure what that will look like yet. Anyway…. I’m going to pull a Scarlett O’Hara and just deal with it another day. For now… my gawd, my balcony is glorious. The birds. The distant cars. The clouds. The blue sky. The trees. And at night… the frogs!

Even though a move is likely… I’m so grateful that this is where I’ve landed for now.

And as a bit of a side note, in regards to change, I used to think: what could go wrong. But I’ve decided to CHANGE my thinking and instead, think: what could go right…