Keepin’ It Real…

A billion years ago I had a blog on Yahoo360. Yahoo360 was Yahoo’s answer to MySpace, but I’m not sure if it was quite as hip. I loved it. I posted a blog daily. Truth be told, I was sorta addicted to it and most days I’d post more than just one blog. I loved writing about the funny things in life, all that was fluffy and light. And I was great at it. If there was a fun spin to be had, I found it and I wrote about it. That didn’t mean my life was fluffy, behind the scenes I was struggling with depression, per usual. I was dealing with relationship issues, dealing with divorce, and dealing with being a single mom. Yet, I kept it light and fluffy, probably because that was my comfort zone.

Recently, when I started this blog, my intentions was to get back to that light and fluffy place. I had no intention of dishing out too much information. But then it happened. I dished.

When I made that post it was exhilarating and felt wonderful to be real, it felt authentic.  But soon after that there was the oversharing hangover that can happen… where I was filled with self-doubt and wanted to delete, delete, delete.

First, let me tell you what lead up to that post. I was going to blog, but I was also planning on reading. I went out on my balcony with both book and computer (and wine). I just started reading “Carry on, Warrior – The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life…” By Glennon Doyle Melton. Her first chapter is what influenced my change in plans. She talks about how she became a “reckless truth teller…” and it totally changed my perception on what I write about. In that chapter she talks about being honest and sharing our true experiences with each other. It inspired me to take a look at myself and how comfortable I am with letting others see the “real” me. 

The thing is, we ALL have our “war stories”. We are all surviving this life, most of us will not come out unscathed.  Yet, it’s by sharing our stories that we start helping others. Maybe we hear something and it helps us because we can identify with part of what someone shares. We don’t even need to identify with their whole story, just with a part of it… or, maybe not even their story resonates, but their feelings surrounding the story is what resonates with us. And then, suddenly, we feel don’t feel so alone in this life. Or, maybe it just gives us hope.

Mental health issues are something that I’m passionate about. Depression and anxiety in particular, since they are two issues that I’ve struggled with for so long. I’ve known people who have committed suicide, so I know first hand that depression can be fatal. I also know that there is no “one size fits all” for a cure. What works for one person, isn’t necessarily going to work for someone else. There are so many factors: from childhood trauma, biology, and so many-many other things to consider.

So yeah, I’m gonna start sharing. I might not have answers, I might share experiences that not everyone will “get”… but then again, maybe something about it will resonate, or spark an idea which leads you to another idea, which leads to another thought… and somewhere in there, maybe something will help.

I was inspired to write this particular post because of a random phone call that I got from an amazingly inspiring woman. She’s been through more (emphasis on MORE) than her share of tragedy and hardship. I know that someday she’s going to be on the other side and when she gets there she’s going to help so many women. I’m sure her strength is already inspiring and helping women. I know I’m inspired by her. She encouraged me to keep writing. And our conversation helped calm my doubts about “keepin’ it real”. Our phone conversation helped me with my fear of sharing stuff that might not be so light and fluffy. 

We all have our stories. What if, instead of wearing masks, we were to share our stories, how much help could we get from each other? A shit ton I think. We could learn from each other, hold each other up, help others to see that it does get better. And yes, sometimes it gets worse, but then it gets better again.

Life! Am I right?!

One last thing: I am still a die hard fluff writer lover.  I LOVE light and fluffy. My Facebook page is filled with a light and fluffy feed. I hope that I get to that place where I can do both– write about the silly, AND also write about the meaningful. Lately though, I find it harder to write “light”. Maybe if I don’t put pressure on myself to be any certain way… but to feel the feels, whatever the feels are, as I’m feeling them, maybe then I’ll find a nice and fluffy balance. 

Anyway… that’s all I have to say… for right now.