Love and Dating and Phil

I just signed up for another dating site. I signed up for one a few weeks ago, yet it sits there incomplete. Today, as I was closing some of the open tabs on my computer, I saw the beginning of a questionnaire for another dating site I had been looking at. “Sure, why not”, I thought to myself, then started answering the questions. By the time I got to the end of the seemingly endless questionnaire, I’d once again talked myself out of signing up completely. So now I have two sites out there, sitting incomplete. GAH! I loathe dating sites. 

I can’t help but think of Groundhog Day. At one point in the movie Phil knows what it’s like to have an amazing time with Rita, yet he lacks the patience to get to that good part of the evening. He rushes through, forcing laughter, forcing smiles, and pretty much coming off as either crazy or a jerk. Having lived in so many loops, his was not an unreasonable reaction… though an ineffective one. Currently, I relate to that part of Phil. I’ve been there before, I know what it feels like to be in love, it feels great! But there’s all that tedious sifting and marketing that goes on before getting to that point of finding love. I HATE marketing myself. I hate having to put my highlight reel out there. I hate looking at how many men have viewed me, versus the number that actually stop and say hi. I hate reading through profiles and knowing that this sifting makes me feel judgey and shallow. I hate having to write my eye-catching prose; and me being me, I question everything I write. Am I describing the real me or who I want to be? And yet, I can’t just make my tag line: You’re just going to have to trust me on this, I’m freaking Delightful. 

Then, I think about getting past all of the initial messaging and such…. Leveling up to the next part. The part where we hang out…. Strangers, hanging out. I am not fond of hanging out with strangers. I’m not even sure how that would look during Covid? Maybe a Zoom call? Well, that would certainly be safer than some previous positions I put myself into. Like the time I once accidentally went on a date with a guy who, unbeknownst to me, was on house arrest. Maybe a Zoom call would be great? If it wasn’t going well, it’s easy enough to have technical problems. Haha.

THEN, after the sorting, the meeting, the hanging out…. Is there chemistry? For….. both? And then, if there is indeedy chemistry, is this “life partner” material? Because I now know without a doubt that not everyone is cut out to be in an equal partnership. Not everyone knows the work that goes into making a relationship successful. Not everyone is into sharing all the parts of a relationship, including the “stir the oatmeal, fold the laundry, pay the bills” part of relationships. 

The thing about being 50 years old, I’m a bit like Phil. I’ve had a few loops in my lifetime. I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t. And now it’s occurring to me, Phil stopped putting his focus on Rita. And towards the end of the movie, it really looked like Phil was enjoying his life. I think he really would have been fine if Rita didn’t end up falling for him. Okay that settles it, no dating sites for me. Instead, I think I’m going to be like Phil. Though, I’m not sure I want to learn piano and ice sculpting. Maybe more like guitar and polymer clay sculpting.