After having my previous years cards be oh-so-serious, this year I braced myself for the trend to continue. Actually, I didn’t really have to brace myself, instead I welcomed it. BRING IT ON! I think it’s through the scrapes and bruises of life that we truly master certain lessons. I’m not sure that anyone is born an idiot savant of life. No, instead, when it comes to life, we’re all sort of born as idiots. Then we wise up through all the living and being human.
I decided to once again use my Thoth Tarot deck, since it’s my most well worn deck out of my collection. I’d been putting off drawing my yearly card because I couldn’t seem to find a quiet chunk-o-time. Also, I moved this year and in my new place I haven’t found the right altar set up yet, which is where I usually sit and meditate on cards. With one day left, I decided to throw perfection to the wind and just go for it. I ended up on my bed doing a mini-meditation where I mostly just tried to clear the clutter from my brain to a “good enough” level. I took a few deep breaths and then mentally invited the Universe to bring. It. on. I like to shuffle until a card flies out, so that’s what I did. However, instead of one card flying out, two cards flew out at the same time:
Knight of Disks
9 of Swords – Cruelty
I was excited that two cards flew out, since more than one card often makes for a deeper read. Immediately I saw a message in the cards: Negative self-talk is the ultimate cock-block to living. OR, if that’s too crass for you, how about saying that the cards might be asking, “What negative thoughts are holding you back from building a life that you want?”
In the Thoth deck the Knight of Swords is seen on his horse in a field. When I look at it, it makes me think the knight is either about to start the day or end the day, since it seems as if the sun is on its way up or down. Either way, it seems as if there is contemplation going on. At the beginning of a journey, we have planning and anticipation. At the end of a journey, there is often reflection and speculation on what went right and what went wrong. I once heard it said that age isn’t a number, it’s life experience. This knight is either using past experience to plan ahead or filing away the new experiences of his journey to better his next one. This is a card of manifestation. To manifest, we first need to have a clear image of what we want or where we’re going. This is a card of harvesting and building new worlds for ourself. In the Thoth deck, the disks represent our external reality, the physical aspects of our life. This card invites us to think about what we want to manifest in our outer world, in regard to areas like our health, finances, creation, or career.
While disks represent our outer world, swords are all about what’s going on in our internal world of thoughts. Because of this, these two cards work so well together!
“It’s no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy’
Cause every now and then, I kick the living shit out of me…”
(Song: “My Own Worst Enemy”, by Lit)
The Nine of Swords – Cruelty is a card about mental cruelty. It’s about pointing all of those swords at ourselves in a debilitating way. When I look at this card, it makes me think of a fence… a fence of blood-dripping swords, what an intimidating barrier to any forward movement! GAH! Yet, this is an illustration that depicts what a lot of people experience as the ultimate barrier to their dreams. Often, it’s one’s own thoughts that prove to be the biggest obstacle to overcome. This card invites us to examine what hurtful thoughts might be limiting us. When we combine the two cards in this spread together, the invitation is to examine what we want in our lives and do some mental house-cleaning if we have any limiting beliefs or negative self-talk preventing any forward movement. Personally, I often can think of all the things that can go wrong in a situation, instead of thinking about what could go right.
There are books and books and books on how to change your thoughts to change your life. It’s a money maker, that life skill…. And yet, one that is easier to talk about than put into practice. Often, if one dives deep enough into healing these negative thoughts they’ll find that the thoughts have an obsolete origin story. Even if you don’t take a deep dive into when/where/how this negative talk originated, at any point a person can put the thoughts/beliefs on trial. Why not invite the thoughts out for coffee?
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Person: Hellooooo thoughts, so you seem a bit on edge. Wanna share where that’s coming from? It’s really bumming me out.
Negative thoughts: F*ck you!!
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Okay, it’s not really that easy, is it? However, self-compassion, self-love, and patience goes a long way.
Person: Hellloooo thoughts. Man, life is hard, isn’t it? I get it. I want to hide too. But, part of me also kind of wants to break out of this rut. Could you help me with this? Could we work together?
Negative thoughts: I dunno. Maybe. Probably wont work.
Person: Maybe it won’t. But….I dunno…..what if it does…. What do you think? Could we try?
Negative thoughts: I guess. But I’m going to fucking swear a lot and whine while we’re doing it.
Person: Hellz to the yeahs! Me too!! Fuck a doodle doooo!
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“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.“ – Oscar Wilde
Happy New Year!!!
May you befriend your thoughts and work towards building the life you want, no matter how big or small the task.
Sandy's Short Story Long- This is where I write. 
I did not know you have an interest in Tarot Cards… Coincidentally, I started watching some videos about it on YouTube out of curiosity, but it has started attracting me towards it and I feel I should watch it everyday… 🙂 Not sure, whether it works in real life or not, but it definitely and interestingly keeps you engaged..!
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