When the sun is shining, life seems more hopeful. EXCEPT, perhaps, when one is going through a breakup-ish. Though the sun was shining and the birds were chirping, on today’s walk my heart was all, “F-YOU!”. Behind my sunglasses, not gonna lie, there were occasional tears. Of course if I wasn’t knee deep in songs that were NOT HELPING my situation, the tears might have been avoided. ANYway, it is what it is…. And thankfully it is weather that supports the wearing of sunglasses and us weepy folks can cry during our walks all we want.
Love. What a trippy topic, eh? If not for love and heartbreak, what would all the poetry and songs be about?! Love, in all of its forms, encompasses so much of life. Romantic love, also know as eros, is possibly the first kind of love a person thinks when hearing the word “love”. I mean, there’s a whole holiday devoted to romantic love. Eros is the spicy, swoony, cosmic, rom-com, magnetic, this kiss is on fire, kind of love. It’s the kind of love that feeds song lyrics and poetry. However, love comes in many other forms. There’s also platonic love that can be experienced within deep friendship connections. There is familial love, which can be felt within family relationships. There is self-love, where you accept and appreciate yourself. Then, there is agape love, which is a big heart wide-open kind of love that doesn’t need a reason, it’s unconditional, generous, and soul-level deep. Philia is a ride or die, soul-sibling kind of love. A love that says, “You’ve seen me ugly cry, and you’re still texting me back.” It’s a deep platonic connection. And of course, we can’t leave out pragma and mania, the yin and yang of love styles…. Pragma is the love that includes a shared calendar, a carpool schedule, and a Costco membership. It’s the practical grown-up sort of love where you both choose each other and keep choosing each other, til death do we part, sort of love. Pragma is a love that is earned, over time. It’s the true ride or die. This is the sort of love that is truly timeless and is more soul level than anything contained on an earthly body level. This is the 90-year-old who still slaps their partners butt, but not too hard, so as not to trip them up and land them in a hospital for a hip replacement sort of love. And finally, there is mania…. A love that is an emotional roller coaster. This is a love that will definitely become a “based on a true story movie”. Most likely it will be categorized as a psychological thriller. It’s like eros chugged espresso and forgot to meditate. It is a fast-burning love, an all-consuming love, it is definitely going to end in tears, and it is a “there might be an explosion” sort of love.
So yeah…. Love, it’s a topic that can keep a brain occupied while getting 11966 steps in.
While getting my 11966 steps in and contemplating love, many things crossed my brain. At one point I wondered what advice I’d give my younger self, in regards to love. Like if I could write my younger self a letter, what advice would I give. And you know what? I am so tapped into my Butterfly Effect, that I wouldn’t try and influence my younger self, other than to give her a kiss and tell her she’s amazing and the older me thanks her for her strength in not ever giving up, even when she wanted to. So instead, I thought about what advice I’d give to other young people that does not include my younger self…. And this is what I came up with: Just because something is filled with meaning, doesn’t mean it’s supposed to last a lifetime. Sometimes a moment is just a moment, and a spring fling is supposed to be a spring fling. And, sometimes, what is supposed to last in a pragma sorta way, will last in a pragma sorta way.
I didn’t understand this when I was younger. If I felt a strong emotion within a connection, I felt it meant something. And yes, it absolutely meant something…. But that doesn’t mean it meant everything. It didn’t mean it was a “happily ever after” sort of something.
“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” – Brian A. “Drew” Chalker
I never truly got this quote until my 50’s. Perhaps that’s because I fought the concept of the quote. For much of my life, I felt that if I was feeling such a deeeeeeeeep connection, that HAD to mean something. But, that younger me thought that in it meaning something, meant that it meant EVERYthing.
Fast forward to me, now, 54 years of age. What I would like to tell the younger generation is this:
YES, it does mean something. And if you could become an observer of the situation, rather than a participant, perhaps you could see what it means. Perhaps you could answer the question, “How did this help me grow?”
To help me illustrate this point, I’m now calling in the Tarot cards from “The Unofficial Schitty Tarot” deck:
The lovers
Three of Swords
Two of Cups
Ten of Cups
Okay, maybe you’re not familiar with Schitts Creek (GASP!!! No judgment… but really?!?!) That’s okay, because it really boils down to the traditional tarot cards and I’ll explain my explanations.
SPOILER ALERT…. I’m gonna talk about Schitt’s Creek and if you’re not up to date, then be warned: Spoilers might be contained.
Now that my spoiler alert is out of the way, let’s get to it.
Schitt’s Creek is a wonderful example of “ Reason, season, or lifetime”.
In the Schitty Tarot, the Three of Swords has an illustration of THAT scene. That scene that left me crying for days.
Side note: Sometimes when you use a deck that is associated with another story (movie, series, or book) it can really bring with it some extra meaning and interpretation. Which is exactly what will happen for any Schitt’s Creek fan.
The Three of Hearts is such a deep and traumatic wound. It’s the kind of heartache that lingers. For me, personally, it’s the kind of heartache that caused the epic weight loss because I couldn’t eat. It’s the sort of heartache that isn’t easy to pick up the pieces from. It’s a deep loss.
However, there is a new meaning that gets attached to this deck, when associated with Schitt’s Creek. It illustrates why a relationship might only last a season, and why a relationship comes in for a reason. Anyone who watched the series KNOW that Alexis and Ted LOVED each other. I CRIED so hard over their outcome. HOWever, I also understand the honesty involved in their outcome. Their relationship evolved them as people. Because they met each other, they grew. They changed. However, in order to continue their growth, their future didn’t merge. Because of that, they had to separate.
Something I learned at an advanced age is that in order to love, you first need to know yourself. In knowing yourself, you know your likes and dislikes. You know what makes you thrive and what doesn’t. You know what decision would result in losing yourself and what decisions contribute to you thriving.
Even though I cried (and cursed the writers!) over Ted and Alexis, I understood their conundrum. Ted’s happiness was very much connected to his pursuing his dream and Alexis’s happiness was tied into her pursuing her dream. Them breaking up, in spite of their mutual love, is truly a story of expansion and honoring each other’s life purpose. Yes, it sucked, big time, but it reflected growth. Both Ted and Alexis grew, because of their relationship. They were both totally different people than who they both were when they first met. Their connection was the catalyst for growth, even though the outcome was painful.
When combined together, The Lovers and The Ten of Cups could be seen as a love story, start to finish. The Lovers is where it all begins, a great romance and filled with all sorts of that eros sorta love. When that eros keeps on keeping on, it leads to that Ten of Cups happy ending. The Ten of Cups is a shared life full of all that yummy pragma kind of love. In The Unofficial Schitty Tarot, they show David and Patrick on these two cards. I love this journey for them. David and Patrick complement each other in a way that lasts a lifetime. They provide each other an emotional balance. Patrick gives David a sense of safety and emotional security, which lets David be vulnerable in a way he hasn’t been able before. Even though they clash at times, their being able to truly see each other and accept each other, results in a mutual respect. This acceptance of each other results in them both growing as people. They are in it for the long haul. They have both the eros and philia sort of love. They are in it, ride or die. Wrinkles or a piggy-back ride to finish a hike. They are ALL IN.
And, yet there is still the Two of Cups. This card depicts David and Stevie. Yeah, they hooked up in season one. However, just because they weren’t meant to evolve as lovers, doesn’t diminish their friendship. It doesn’t diminish their connection. They are that different kind of Ride or Die. They are that bond of friendship that is so important for growth and thriving. They are the bond of friendship that brings you that soul level comfort, even when everything in your life is falling apart. They are the types of friendships that you thank your lucky stars for.
“People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” – Brian A. “Drew” Chalker
Using tarot, and my analytical mind, I can take a pause from my crying. Why did this person show up? What did he teach me? What did I learn? What am I grateful for, because of my meeting him?
I can say without a doubt…..
This man…. This particular man that caused my 3:18pm mid-walk tears…. This man, I understand why he showed up. I can accept his part in my life’s timeline.
When I am an old woman, much older than I am now, I will look back and remember this man as teaching me who I am capable of being when confronted with an unexpected Situation. I will smile remembering his providing the absolute BEST kiss I’d ever experienced. This being said from the perspective of a 50-something woman. His conversation was a hearty meal, in comparison to the Happy Meals that are a plenty. He taught me to pause, before reacting. He taught me that we need to accept each other’s timelines. Healing doesn’t always coordinate with another person’s timeline. He taught me that I do not need to label him a villain, because his timeline and healing doesn’t coordinate with mine. He showed me who I am capable of being within a relationship. And f-ing hell… THAT KISS. I will go to my grave, knowing that sort of kiss exists… the sort of kiss that ends the earth’s existence. The kind of kiss that stops time. The kind of kiss that could start wars. The kind of kiss that interferes with all reason. Nobody can ever take that away from me. So, thank you, unnamed man, for being a season of love for me.
I think my younger self would be shocked to find out that it is in my early 50’s that I’d experience a lover with whom I felt such a deep understanding and connection to, and whose KISS will likely reverberate in my memory the rest of my life. It seems like such a 20’s thing to do.
To think, I’m only 54. What’s next? Fingers crossed that it’s Eros mixed with a whole ton of Pragma in my near future… Fingers and toes crossed!! Though, even if that doesn’t happen, I’m grateful for the other sorts of ride or die love that is in my life.
Love, it’s a trippy topic.
“It’s all about love. Making someone else’s existence just a little easier… nothing else matters. I know this now.” ― Terence McKenna
Sandy's Short Story Long- This is where I write. 
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