My Holiday Staycation 2021

The cat is currently high off of catnip and the dog is chewing on a bone. I’ve just heated tea water for a 2nd time, because I forgot I heated it the last time and the electric kettle doesn’t stay on like my last one. It’s raining outside and is the kind of grey that makes it impossible to guess what time it is. I’ve been off of work for 8 days, the longest I’ve been off of work since the last holiday season, when the company I work for shuts down for a week. Even if it wasn’t the time of Covid, I would have likely stayed home anyway. I had big plans to purge more “stuff”. I keep on telling myself that it’s not the home that is too small, it’s just that I have too much stuff. 

I never had the desire to be a minimalist and I wouldn’t go so far as to claim I am one now. However, I did just move myself, two kids, a cat, and now a dog into a 2 bedroom 723 sqft home. Moving into a home that has 1.5 closets means that storage is limited. Things had to go and go they did. 

I have never considered myself a hoarder, though I do seem to have collected a lot of stuff. I think I’m a bit sentimental and certain things hurt my heart to get rid of. Like every single piece of clothing I ‘ve ever bought the kids. No, I didn’t keep them all… but for a while I did. When I lived with my ex, in his big house with the garage. All the kids’ old clothes and toys went into bins in the garage. I’m not sure what I thought I’d do with them.  After Dub was born it was a no brainer to keep anything of his, because we were planning on trying for more kids. When I got pregnant again it seemed as if I had done the smart thing, but then we found out she was going to be a girl and though I reused some of the items, I also added many-many more, that eventually made their way out into the bins. After I left my ex, a lot of the stuff that was in the bins ended up on Facebook Market. Each and every item he sold I remember buying and I remember if they were a hit or a miss with the kids. Recently he asked me if I could get the rest of my stuff out of his garage and since I literally have nowhere to put any of it (and don’t want to pay for a storage unit) I begged of him to let me handle it in the summer, when I can at least put stuff outside and sort through what I am going to keep and what I’ll donate to the Goodwill. 

Giving away stuff was (is) hard, yet what I’m finding out is that there is a bit of a high I get almost immediately afterwards. I’m not sure why that is. Perhaps it’s all the mental anguish of sorting and purging that after the deed is done and the stuff is gone…. And I’ve survived it, there’s a bit of an adrenaline rush? Maybe the mental exertion required to overcome anxiety and attachment gives me a runner’s high of sorts? I don’t know. Whatever it is, I now know that it’s not a fluke and it motivates me to continue the purge. The faux runners high is cool and all, but imagine if purging burned the same amount of calories that running did?! I’d much rather have that!

Now before you think I actually did spend my entire week off purging stuff like some sort of Marie Kondo wonder woman, I didn’t. No, seasonal depression, mixed with Covid depression, mixed regular ol’ depression, and mixed with a dollop of hormonal depression meant I also spent a lot of time crying, staring at nothing, and sleeping. However, in between my angst episodes I did purge items, binge watch Netflix’s “Bridgerton” (Steamy!), watch Disney’s “Soul” (SO GOOD!), and The Dressmaker (Liam Hemsworth!!), and finish the most recent season of The British Baking Show (YUM!) . Also, during this time the kids have been between my home and their dads home. There was Christmas and New Years, which felt sort of very subdued for me. And last but not least, I’ve been potty-training my new dog. There has not been an accident indoors for three days now, so I feel it’s going well. 

And that catches me up to where I am right now, writing this. The dog is now asleep, so is the cat, it’s still raining, and I’ve drank all my tea.